A time came when the lies had to stop. I was lying. Lying to myself about what made me happy, lying to myself about what I really wanted out of this life. The voice had been whispering to me for years, asking me to listen, louder and louder as time went on. But when the voice started to scream in the form of my body manifesting sickness, I knew my time for pretending was over.
Inadvertent dishonesty can manifest itself in one's life in so many forms. A job that you're "supposed" to like but don't, an unbalanced partnership, be it business or romantic, or even something as simple as putting food in your body as a nutritional substance to keep it fueled and going strong, when in reality there is nothing that you are putting down that chute that is going to encourage and vitalize the energy currents coursing through your body.
I was guilty of all of these things, and I had to start listening to my body to realize it.
Mercury Retrograde of October 2014 set my life on fire.
In the midst of an exciting new "writing" job that I'd just acquired, and almost 5 years strong into a relationship that seemed to have possibilities of long term promise (however, nearly 5 years in I was still unsure), I realized I'd reached the point of stepping foot on a path towards this "American Dream", a dream that was not my own, a dream that I honestly wanted nothing to do with. I felt unfulfilled, despite all of these "great" things I had in front of me.
So, I started searching.
I missed God, and having a deep connection with God.
A connection similar to one that I once knew briefly in the years prior, after an (literally) EYE opening experience with Pranic healing. Prana. Daily meditations, and a self love and love for everyone in my path was suddenly beaming from me. I felt love, I was love, and my steps were ordered. Somewhat inevitably, I drew love to me, the kind that was full of endless colors and light, the kind of love that is too recognizable to not be a revisit. I found a way to experience God through another person, and my personal one-on-one ties with my Source fell to the wayside.
I sought fervently from my heart for something more. Seeking, seeking, seeking, I knew it was there, but my slumber had me blinded. I wanted to WAKE, I wanted to SEE, I wanted to FEEL, so much more than I'd been feeling. Then suddenly, after asking every day from a place deep inside me, Scotty beamed me up.
I broke away from my computer on lunch at work to go spend time under a tree, in the Sun, my bare feet planted in the ground. I began to start my days with a little bit of yoga, making sure to open my chest and offer my heart to God, every single day. I set intentions. I shut up, and started LISTENING. I looked for my answers, the ones that were sitting right inside me the whole time, and I finally took heed. My senses started to heighten, and other dormant ones began to return, and I wanted nothing more than to sustain and increase these experiences, so I payed very close attention to the fuel I put into this conduit that I am living in. I studied intensely, and spent time in solitude when I could, reaching heights that I didn't know existed.
As time progressed, my ties with Source returned and tightened, and things and people in my life started to reveal themselves for who and what they truly were. For a while I continued to play along, putting on old shoes that began to fit too snuggly. Under the guise of the beginnings of a "dream" life, under my dishonesty, I began to suffer.
As the droning tone of truth became too loud to ignore, I broke the shadowy shell I'd been hiding in forever. I emerged singular and clean, my eyes open, with a map in front me. The Sun illuminating the path in front of me, the same Sun radiating from the middle of me, touching every part of this path of my own construction.
"Why is she steady postin' and talkin' about Love?"
Because you are me, and I am you, and we are all in this together. Because I love YOU, that's why. YOU who's reading this right now, I love you so much and we need you. We all need you. YOU matter so much!!! Love is the only way to finding the truth, YOUR truth, and my God is there so much truth that lies inside you.
As I continue to grow, listen, and put my chest to the sky every day, I experience a shifting, expanding gratitude with each day's rebirth.
The truth brings about alignment, natural order (whatever that means for you) and peace. Chaos and darkness (not night-ness), cannot exist where truth and love exist. It just can't.
Therefore, while I am walking on my path, through this miraculous path, feet on the Earth and Sun washing over my body, I will continue to tell you that I love you, and that I am so very, very happy that you're here, at the same time that I'm here on this planet. There is a lot to learn and love about all of us. YOUR truth matters and will make you free.
Peace and Blessings!!